Thoughts on Immersion

im·mer·sion [i-mur-zhuhn, -shuhn]. Noun.

1. The condition of being placed underwater for a length of time.
2. A state of being deeply involved; absorbtion.

I think poly worked out for me because I went swimming in the deep end of the pool. I didn't wade in; I jumped in. I didn't test the water with the tip of a toe. I just committed. I lived with my friends for the first month of polyness. Within that space, I was able to experience the full range of popular culture crap - emotional insecurity, jealousy, guilt, anxiety, wrenching and nagging thoughts in the back of my brain about what it all means - all at once, and it worked. It filled my lungs. I sank. And to survive, I learned to swim.

Coming out of that experience I walked away with some key ideas on poly.

One - Reality. The relationship between my primary and her husband was solid. I wasn't going to disrupt it. It was all too real, tangible, and I had to deal and see it for what it was. It wasn't going to change.

Two - Selflessness. encouraging happiness between the two of them benefitted everybody, including me, and in doing so, overcame selfish tendencies to horde and hog affections.

Three - Abundance. Wow, abundance - love, feelings, affection, expressions... are abundant. Seems so obvious yet so difficult to really come to grips with.

Immersion, I think, allowed me to confront what was real, learn how to give up to get more, and how meaningless scarcity is to feelings. Anyone new to poly, I think, should do this. I don't think you can develop a strong appreciation for these things otherwise. Give in: leap, jump, splash, sink. Probably tough to do. Maybe it takes the right place, right time kinda thing. Yet, when you open your eyes and discover life below the waterline, it's like Morpheus just handed you the red pill. You give up the conventional and understandable, the habits you developed by standing on land, and you find difference in just being there, and there's nothing else you can do about it.

Still swimming these days; I haven't desired to get out of the pool. Every day is a new chance to sink a little more, to get a little deeper in my understanding of it, to explore and try new things, to see life in a totally new way. I read-up on poly, listen to poly podcasts, talk to poly people... I tell my lover that I'm sixteen, learning about relationships all over again, and redefining everything I do and feel. And I wake up every day wondering what else I can do to immerse myself and learn more. So far, it's been a fantastic voyage of self-discovery, one only made possible - I think - by letting everything go and drifting for a while to see how far I could sink, and, how long I could swim.

s1m0n